The following is a true story:
I come back to my office yesterday after lunch and open my e-mail only to find that I am being served with an injunction from a large law firm in the Metroplex. Immediately, I think to myself, "What did I do this time?" Then as I continue reading I realize that I am being threatened with sanctions because my blog has been lacking in "substantive entertainment." In other words, due to my failure to blog last month I am being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the murky waters of the Harris County judicial system.
Question: How do you know when it has been too long since your last blog?
Answer: Your "friends" take legal action against you.
What happened to the good old days when my friends were poor, grossly immature, reality TV-addicted college students and not doctors, lawyers, and nationally recognized inner city ministers?
So, in my own defense I now offer you a look into the things that occupied my time in the month of April, thus explaining my reasons for not blogging recently.
1. I filled in for our preacher for three Sundays so that he could travel around Australia with his wife.
2. I spent a week in the Hill Country at the HEB camp with sixteen of our senior adults from church. I taught Bible classes during the day. I know this sounds like it should be fun. But, have you ever tried being on a diet while older ladies who love to cook tempt you with unbelievable meals? Also, have you ever tried to sleep with ten senior adults playing dominoes and Farkle until all hours of the morning in the room next door. Yet, with all that it was an incredible blessing to be there with them.
3. I attended my first local livestock show and witnessed an eight year old boy from our church small group win Grand Champion twice with two different pigs. His competition was local high school kids. It was unbelievable. I know this sounds like it should be fun. But, have you ever tried being on a diet while watching sixty pigs running all over the place shaking their pork chops and flaunting their ham?
4. I went to two "soccer" games that involved my niece and twenty other easily distracted four year olds. They don't keep score. They don't know the rules. And nobody cares. This is how all sports should be.
5. I decided that I wanted to see the Gulf Coast by hang glider. So, I fashioned one out of four brooms, some fishing line, and 3000 stale tortillas. The ill-fated trip lasted only two minutes and 13 seconds. Apparently, I underestimated the Gulf Coast's sea gull's appetite for stale tortillas.
6. I helped coordinate, with my wife, the Song Leading event at the Central Texas Leadership Training for Christ convention in downtown Houston on Easter weekend.
7. I coordinated our church's Fifth Sunday Fellowship last Sunday at a park here in Baytown.
8. I attended three Astros games. It's a tough task but someone has to do it. I have three more games scheduled in the next month.
9. I discovered that my office is infested with termites when I pulled a book off my shelf and found a hole eaten through the middle of it. It was impressive...for about thirty seconds and then it became gross, followed by unnerving, then annoying and ending with outright anger that God would create a animal whose main source of dietary fiber had to come from a book about children's ministry.
10. And, of course, I have eaten an inordinate amount of seafood (the beauty of living on the Coast). In fact, I even attended an "elder's meeting" in which we loaded into a van and cruised to a local eating establishment and discussed church business over 36 lbs. of huge crawfish, my first real crawfish feast. It was incredible and surprisingly low in calories.
So, here are ten of the things that kept me from blogging. They are mostly true. OK, some are outright lies. You decide which. There are many more that I could add to the list. Ladies and Gentlemen, of the jury. Here is your evidence. I am confident that you will exonerate me from all charges of laziness and forgive my lack of blog communication. Until next time.
