Old Fogerty
Sorry about the blog funk. I was having a difficult time thinking of blog-worthy items. In fact, I was convinced I would never blog again. Then, last night happened. My wife and I attended the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo for the second time this year. On this occasion we went with some of Jacquie's family to see John Fogerty, the former lead singer of Creedence Clearwater Revival. The whole experience is way too big to just blog about freestyle, so I have decided to do it in pieces. Here we go.
The Rodeo Atmosphere
If you have never been to a music concert attached to a rodeo then you can barely claim to be alive. It is life changing if for nothing else than the variety of smells that attach themselves to your body as you enter. Here we are in a giant half-full football arena watching men and women sacrifice their bodies and perhaps their souls to ride beasts who are dead set against being ridden all for a shinier way to hold up their pants. It is mesmerizing. That is until the vendors come by. Big rodeos are full of vendors selling all kinds of useless rodeo items at ridiculous prices. Think of it as SkyMall's country bumpkin cousin. My favorite vendor item is the multi colored spinny light thing that hurls tiny neon lights around at alarming speeds, or as I like to call it, the epileptic seizure machine. Add these lights to the sights and smells of livestock and you truly have a full sensory experience.
The Man and His Band
So after the rodeo events, which were awesome, and a long video montage, the lights come up to reveal John Fogerty, looking about as youthful and virile as Vitamin E, Metamucil, a handful of Viagra and a couple lines of cocaine can make you look. I'm not kidding this guy danced around that stage like a wild man for over an hour. Maybe "danced" isn't appropriate. He mostly jumped up and down like a Jack Russell Terrier....a very old arthritic mangy Jack Russell Terrier....perhaps with heartworms. He at least attempted to keep his youthful look by apparently dipping his hair in several vats of various shades of Just For Men.
What was also amazing was the fact that he changed guitars between each song, playing 14 guitars in all including one that was shaped like a baseball bat when he played Centerfield, which was awesome. Oh, and if you thought he was unintelligible with CCR, try listening to him with his dentures in. At one point he made Fortunate Son sound like Fortunna Duh. I know the lyrics to that song and I was still confused. Really, though the guy was an amazing performer. He put on a great high energy show and I really did love it.
He also had a really talented band with him. Of course their talent will not prevent me from pointing out their funnier sides. For instance, the guitar player who looked like the bizarre love child of old, fat Elvis and Bruce Springsteen who beat up Porter Waggoner and stole one of his shirts (that reference is for Ash T. when she checks this). Or the drummer who I believe was a member of the one-hit wonder Right Said Fred in the late 90's. You remember I'm Too Sexy don't you, well he no longer is too sexy. He has officially been demoted to just sexy enough.
The Dancing
Of course the crowd for this concert was a slight bit older than most but they were still far more into it than the crowd for George Strait who I saw last week. What you can count on at the rodeo is that by concert time the beer has been flowing freely for a while and everybody is going to want to dance. And my how we danced! Here are a few of my favorite dancers.
My seat neighbor: Next to me was a middle aged Hispanic woman who obviously did not know any of Fogerty's songs but was there to support her well intoxicated husband/boyfriend who knew every garbled word to every song. But, that didn't stop her from dancing, pulling out every major dance craze from the 20th century. I think I recognized the Running man, the mashed potatoe, and the hand jive, just to name a few. At one point when Fogerty was singing "I Hoid it Through the Grapevine" I think she even did the hand motions to Roll the Gospel Chariot Along.
The elderly lady: When I say elderly I mean mid-80's. This lady was so pumped to be at this concert that she couldn't help but let loose. Granted her limited mobility allowed her only to do what I'll call the Octogenarian's Knee Bounce but it was so great to see her enjoying herself to the fullest.
The drunk man and his puppet wife: Apparently the drunk man a few rows in front of us became frustrated with his wife's inability to keep up with his intoxicated swayings, so in order to synchronize them he grabbed the back of her belt and swayed her himself for two entire songs. In his other hand he held up an imaginary lighter and moved it slowly back and forth. He was by far the most annoying of the dancers.
Me: Okay, if I am going to give everyone else a hard time you know I have to do the same to myself. Even I couldn't help but get pulled in by the music. For a while I just did a seated version of the business man's bounce where I shrugged my shoulders and nodded my head somewhat to the rhythm. The trick is to do this and stare intently at the performer. That way you look like you are really into the music but you are so interested in the lyrics that you don't want to let yourself really start dancing. This covers up the fact that you can't dance without someone offering you medical assistance for fear the you are having a seizure. But, then I stood up and I had to really get into it. So I swayed somewhat in rhythm and began to clap high above my head. The trick here is not to just clap once on the beat but to add a double clap in every once in a while to make people think that you might actually understand tempo and beats.
Of course none of this mattered because noone was paying any attention to me. We were all just focused on having a good time and enjoying the music. It really was a great experience to spend time with family and watch a really talented musician entertain. It was a great concert based on the amount of giddy joy you received from hearing those great old songs done in fresh new ways. I recommend it highly.
The Rodeo Atmosphere
If you have never been to a music concert attached to a rodeo then you can barely claim to be alive. It is life changing if for nothing else than the variety of smells that attach themselves to your body as you enter. Here we are in a giant half-full football arena watching men and women sacrifice their bodies and perhaps their souls to ride beasts who are dead set against being ridden all for a shinier way to hold up their pants. It is mesmerizing. That is until the vendors come by. Big rodeos are full of vendors selling all kinds of useless rodeo items at ridiculous prices. Think of it as SkyMall's country bumpkin cousin. My favorite vendor item is the multi colored spinny light thing that hurls tiny neon lights around at alarming speeds, or as I like to call it, the epileptic seizure machine. Add these lights to the sights and smells of livestock and you truly have a full sensory experience.
The Man and His Band
So after the rodeo events, which were awesome, and a long video montage, the lights come up to reveal John Fogerty, looking about as youthful and virile as Vitamin E, Metamucil, a handful of Viagra and a couple lines of cocaine can make you look. I'm not kidding this guy danced around that stage like a wild man for over an hour. Maybe "danced" isn't appropriate. He mostly jumped up and down like a Jack Russell Terrier....a very old arthritic mangy Jack Russell Terrier....perhaps with heartworms. He at least attempted to keep his youthful look by apparently dipping his hair in several vats of various shades of Just For Men.
What was also amazing was the fact that he changed guitars between each song, playing 14 guitars in all including one that was shaped like a baseball bat when he played Centerfield, which was awesome. Oh, and if you thought he was unintelligible with CCR, try listening to him with his dentures in. At one point he made Fortunate Son sound like Fortunna Duh. I know the lyrics to that song and I was still confused. Really, though the guy was an amazing performer. He put on a great high energy show and I really did love it.
He also had a really talented band with him. Of course their talent will not prevent me from pointing out their funnier sides. For instance, the guitar player who looked like the bizarre love child of old, fat Elvis and Bruce Springsteen who beat up Porter Waggoner and stole one of his shirts (that reference is for Ash T. when she checks this). Or the drummer who I believe was a member of the one-hit wonder Right Said Fred in the late 90's. You remember I'm Too Sexy don't you, well he no longer is too sexy. He has officially been demoted to just sexy enough.
The Dancing
Of course the crowd for this concert was a slight bit older than most but they were still far more into it than the crowd for George Strait who I saw last week. What you can count on at the rodeo is that by concert time the beer has been flowing freely for a while and everybody is going to want to dance. And my how we danced! Here are a few of my favorite dancers.
My seat neighbor: Next to me was a middle aged Hispanic woman who obviously did not know any of Fogerty's songs but was there to support her well intoxicated husband/boyfriend who knew every garbled word to every song. But, that didn't stop her from dancing, pulling out every major dance craze from the 20th century. I think I recognized the Running man, the mashed potatoe, and the hand jive, just to name a few. At one point when Fogerty was singing "I Hoid it Through the Grapevine" I think she even did the hand motions to Roll the Gospel Chariot Along.
The elderly lady: When I say elderly I mean mid-80's. This lady was so pumped to be at this concert that she couldn't help but let loose. Granted her limited mobility allowed her only to do what I'll call the Octogenarian's Knee Bounce but it was so great to see her enjoying herself to the fullest.
The drunk man and his puppet wife: Apparently the drunk man a few rows in front of us became frustrated with his wife's inability to keep up with his intoxicated swayings, so in order to synchronize them he grabbed the back of her belt and swayed her himself for two entire songs. In his other hand he held up an imaginary lighter and moved it slowly back and forth. He was by far the most annoying of the dancers.
Me: Okay, if I am going to give everyone else a hard time you know I have to do the same to myself. Even I couldn't help but get pulled in by the music. For a while I just did a seated version of the business man's bounce where I shrugged my shoulders and nodded my head somewhat to the rhythm. The trick is to do this and stare intently at the performer. That way you look like you are really into the music but you are so interested in the lyrics that you don't want to let yourself really start dancing. This covers up the fact that you can't dance without someone offering you medical assistance for fear the you are having a seizure. But, then I stood up and I had to really get into it. So I swayed somewhat in rhythm and began to clap high above my head. The trick here is not to just clap once on the beat but to add a double clap in every once in a while to make people think that you might actually understand tempo and beats.
Of course none of this mattered because noone was paying any attention to me. We were all just focused on having a good time and enjoying the music. It really was a great experience to spend time with family and watch a really talented musician entertain. It was a great concert based on the amount of giddy joy you received from hearing those great old songs done in fresh new ways. I recommend it highly.
posted by Spruce at 6:33 AM
9 Comments:
No comments yet? I find this hard to believe, considering this was the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I don't even know where to begin, except to say "thank you."
Hi Preacherman,
That was hilarious but WATCH IT!, we happen to like Porter Waggoner in THIS city, thank ya very much.
P.S. How do you know what one looks like on Viagra?
I'm always in favor of shiny ways to hold up my pants, maybe i'll try barrel racing... I echo your love for rodeo concert. Last year for valentine's day, it was just the rascal flatts and me. (well, and the smell of livestock, cotton candy, and sweat--I can't ignore that) loved the post1
Spruce- Travis and I were thinking about you and Jacque last night while watching 24........such suspense & tragedy each week! I'm still not over Edgar either......
An horrific thing just occurred. I read a hilarious post, then read some good responses, and then to my utter dismay, as I was finishing up the last part of the last response, someone gave something away from 24. I started screaming, but it was too late. I say this because Jack and Jeanene brought 3 video-tapes full of brand-spanking-new episodes of 24 over to us in Croatia, and now I know that somewhere along the way, Edgar, is going to die...
Oh, no!!!! I forgot that you aren't able to watch it. Sorry, man. Well, actually it is probably better that you find out from us rather than live through the shock of seeing it happen. I'm just glad that we didn't mention that Chloe is the one that shoots him in the head. That would have been saying too much.
Mark, I am soooooooooooooo sorry- I will keep my mouth shut regarding all future 24 episodes!
Yeah, maybe it is better this way, actually. Especially if that happens in the last episode that we received over here. I would have been even more upset.
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