Listen Up, Dumb Bunny Blog Readers
Today has been eventful. I took a half day off of work and accompanied my wife's second grade class to a local Houston theater production of Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business. That's right, my wife somehow suckered me into being a chaperone for a bunch of second graders. Translated, this means that I get to be the guy who carries the cooler, collects all of the trash after lunch, and makes sure the boys don't destroy either the facilities or each other's clothes as they use the restroom.
I realize that that last phrase seems a little bit foul, but it's the truth. Also, that description isn't near as foul as the smell of the school bus we rode in (how you like that for a segue). I'm not kidding, I had forgotten how bad those things stink. We had to keep the windows up due to the frigid 75 degree temperatures in Houston, so various smells had time to ferment. At one point, I was using my mastery of zen to transport my mind to another place that would smell better. I chose the apartment gym on the day it smelled like puke paint. It was a vast improvement. Actually, it has been several hours and my clothes still smell like I swam through a pool of milk.
The play itself was quite an adventure. For you unlucky souls who are not hip to all the new children's literature, Junie B. Jones is the reigning queen of elementary angst (think, Beezus and Ramona Quimby for a new generation). Junie is a kindergartner who dresses like her mother went on a shopping spree in a Units store back in the late eighties and saved the clothes till now. She is an only child who receives the frightening news that her Mom is going to have a B-A-B-Y, a word that she cannot bring herself to say but only spell. Oh, and this kid also has a real attitude problem. She calls her friends dumbbunnies, she always has a sarcastic comeback for any remark, and she has no qualms about saying anything to anybody. In other words, she is everything I wish I can be. (Actually, she is everything that I imagine Jenn G. was when she was a kid)
Despite all of her questionable qualities she really is a lovable character, especially as played by the thirty-five year old actress who donned the costume for an attempt at reliving her childhood. I'm not kidding, the girl had to be well into her thirties. But, she was great. I laughed out loud at a lot of her hijinks. The rest of the cast was pretty good too for being a bunch of cast-offs from the other more serious theaters in Houston. One guy in particular did a great job. He ad-libbed quite a bit and he was truly funny as Junie's arch nemesis at school as well as her loving grandfather. In fact, it got kind of weird when several of the mothers who were also chaperones started to develop a discernible crush on the guy and ran down to take his picture after the show.
The funniest part of the whole thing was at the end when the cast decided it would be a good idea to let the second graders ask questions about acting. I'm not kidding. We've got kids who have been sitting relatively still for an hour and a half trying to bust out of their seats, and these actors want to stage an episode of Inside the Actor's Studio right there in the theater. It actually was kind of funny to watch these people who obviously had no history with children try to explain what a set designer was or how one of the actors gave the appearance of being bald (by far the worst bald cap I have ever seen in my life). My favorite question came from one of Jacquie's students, "Is she the real Junie B. Jones?" By the look in the eye of the girl fielding the questions you would have thought he had asked her to explain sex. She froze and then, in the time-honored tradition of question dodging, she said, "What do you think?" Everybody yelled, "No!!!" She countered with, "Why do you think she is not the real Junie B.?" At that point I stood up from the back and yelled, "because she's 35, you dumbbunny!!!" Okay, no I didn't do that but I should have.
Over all it was a great experience. I'm not sure that I learned any real moral from the play or anything but I had a good time with the kids (later they dared me to race them up a giant hill at a park we stopped at). Trust me, you have not lived until you have chaperoned a school event.
Now, I have to go home and wash my clothes.
I realize that that last phrase seems a little bit foul, but it's the truth. Also, that description isn't near as foul as the smell of the school bus we rode in (how you like that for a segue). I'm not kidding, I had forgotten how bad those things stink. We had to keep the windows up due to the frigid 75 degree temperatures in Houston, so various smells had time to ferment. At one point, I was using my mastery of zen to transport my mind to another place that would smell better. I chose the apartment gym on the day it smelled like puke paint. It was a vast improvement. Actually, it has been several hours and my clothes still smell like I swam through a pool of milk.
The play itself was quite an adventure. For you unlucky souls who are not hip to all the new children's literature, Junie B. Jones is the reigning queen of elementary angst (think, Beezus and Ramona Quimby for a new generation). Junie is a kindergartner who dresses like her mother went on a shopping spree in a Units store back in the late eighties and saved the clothes till now. She is an only child who receives the frightening news that her Mom is going to have a B-A-B-Y, a word that she cannot bring herself to say but only spell. Oh, and this kid also has a real attitude problem. She calls her friends dumbbunnies, she always has a sarcastic comeback for any remark, and she has no qualms about saying anything to anybody. In other words, she is everything I wish I can be. (Actually, she is everything that I imagine Jenn G. was when she was a kid)
Despite all of her questionable qualities she really is a lovable character, especially as played by the thirty-five year old actress who donned the costume for an attempt at reliving her childhood. I'm not kidding, the girl had to be well into her thirties. But, she was great. I laughed out loud at a lot of her hijinks. The rest of the cast was pretty good too for being a bunch of cast-offs from the other more serious theaters in Houston. One guy in particular did a great job. He ad-libbed quite a bit and he was truly funny as Junie's arch nemesis at school as well as her loving grandfather. In fact, it got kind of weird when several of the mothers who were also chaperones started to develop a discernible crush on the guy and ran down to take his picture after the show.
The funniest part of the whole thing was at the end when the cast decided it would be a good idea to let the second graders ask questions about acting. I'm not kidding. We've got kids who have been sitting relatively still for an hour and a half trying to bust out of their seats, and these actors want to stage an episode of Inside the Actor's Studio right there in the theater. It actually was kind of funny to watch these people who obviously had no history with children try to explain what a set designer was or how one of the actors gave the appearance of being bald (by far the worst bald cap I have ever seen in my life). My favorite question came from one of Jacquie's students, "Is she the real Junie B. Jones?" By the look in the eye of the girl fielding the questions you would have thought he had asked her to explain sex. She froze and then, in the time-honored tradition of question dodging, she said, "What do you think?" Everybody yelled, "No!!!" She countered with, "Why do you think she is not the real Junie B.?" At that point I stood up from the back and yelled, "because she's 35, you dumbbunny!!!" Okay, no I didn't do that but I should have.
Over all it was a great experience. I'm not sure that I learned any real moral from the play or anything but I had a good time with the kids (later they dared me to race them up a giant hill at a park we stopped at). Trust me, you have not lived until you have chaperoned a school event.
Now, I have to go home and wash my clothes.
posted by Spruce at 12:44 PM
11 Comments:
We really did have a great time and all my students love Mr. Graves. I have one in particular who loves to hug on him and when he is not at school she always tells me, "Mrs. Graves, your husband is so handsome!" I think she has developed a little crush of her own.
Spruce!
Hey, I just found out that your parents teach my girlfriend's Sunday morning Bible class at a church in Oklahoma City. How crazy is that?
I'm enjoying your blog. I've been reading it for a couple weeks now. You provide a nice break from med school studying. Thanks.
Hope all is well. Happy Valentine's Day.
- kent <><
ps - my word verification word is "oafspqbg"... I think that is a derogatory old Celtic word meaning "large, dumb lazy man" also translated "dumbbunny"
Hey Spruce! I'm so glad to know there's a Junie B. Jones play out there! I have on several occasions read my sister's copies (she has every single book the crazy girl!) without shame.
Junie B is a role I would love to play someday!!
Hope you and Jacquie are doing well, I really enjoy your blog!
nothing could beat the all white cast playing the slaves in Eldorado, TX that we thoroughly enjoyed in 2000. I love local plays!
Yeah, Matt, thanks for bringing that one up. Thankfully this one was a hundred times more professional than that. No offense to the girls who starred in that but it truly was like walking into a Pre-Civil Rights Vaudvillean nightmare. I couldn't sink low enough in my chair when the lights came up and there were ten girls in black face standing on the stage.
What's funny though is that I think Jarrod has completely blocked the memory. He doesn't seem to recall it when I bring it up.
Kent- great to hear from you. My mom is in town right now. I will ask her about your girlfriend. That is a crazy coincidence.
Spruce- that was so cool of you to chaperone! How fun! It sounds like you had quite the valentine experience. Way to support the wifey!
Verification word was myfmr - is texan for the bone in your leg; "Dang horse kicked me in myfmr."
So, I see a wonderful stunt to pull here. Coach your kids BEFORE they go to ask even worse questions than on in the actors studio.
"Hi, Morgan Gerlach 7 year old acting student. Do you subscribe more to the Strasberg or the Micheal Checkhov school of acting?"
"Hi, Callie Gerlach, 3 year old directing student, do you feel that this play had more of the feeling of Stanislavskiesque despair or Arthur Milliarian feeling of mediocrity?"
BTW, I don't find Junie as sarcastic as other people seem to, I don't know why.
hey, i'm so glad you've now gotten to experience the badge of honor that is due a field trip chaperone. however, you haven't experienced a true field trip until you've had to explain to 23 fourth graders and their incredible OCD parents why our lunches (yes all of them, even my cafeteria issued pimento cheese) were stolen (yes stolen, because the kids were convinced that our lunches couldn't have just gotten up and walked away) at a camp where we were learning to share other cultures. one kid actually said that maybe "sharing wasn't a top priority among the native people." the priceless lessons we learn every day!
word id: "ipzvr" - i've got nothing!
Hey, Spruce. I met your wife outside the apartments while checking mail once. My wife and I are both teachers in the Goose. I think you knew my brother, Jason Martin, in college. Anyway, I found your blog and wanted to say hi.
What theatre did you see this play at?
My verification word is a Germanic greeting of friendship. "hanllo"
Kyle, thanks for writing. yeah, I knew your brother in college. Jacquie sadi she met you at the complex. I believe it was the Main Street Theater. It actually was a very enjoyable production. They did a good job of keeping the energy up and captivating the kids' attention. We had a good time.
Spruce, the chaperon thing is a must-do for every man. Grade school kids are a riot, but wait until you get the challenge of a high school group!
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